Dumbledore's Craziness
by Siadow9466
Summary: Dumbledore becomes crazy and Harry an his friends need to cure him! Warning: Do not read if you have allergic reactions to extreme randomness. That is all.
1. Dumbledore

Dumbledore's Craziness

EDIT: After about a year after originally publishing this story, I finally got to fixing all of the horrible grammar mistakes I had made, making this SO MUCH easier to read. Enjoy!

This happened before Dumbledore told Harry about Horcruxes, so Volemort is still alive. This is to avoid any confusion.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything related to him.

xxXxx

"Harry!" Ron shouted as he toward Harry.

"What?" Harry responded.

"Dumbledore says he needs to see you. Now!"

Harry ran to Dumbledore's office, told the gargoyles the password, and ran inside.

"Professor?" Harry asked. "You needed me?"

"Harry Potter!" he shouted.

"What?" Harry said in confusion.

"Harry Potter!" Dumbledore shouted again.

"What?" Harry repeated.

"Harry Potter!" Dumbledore shouted once more.

"Oh, just spit it out old man!" Harry shouted back. "What do you want?"

Dumbledore spit on Harry's face.

"Eww," Harry said as he wiped the spit off his face.

"Sir?" he tried. "You called me?"

"Dumbledore's Army shall gather and eat Voldemort!" Dumbledore shouted happily.

Harry backed away slowly.

He nudged Ron. "Go get Professor McGonagall. I think Dumbledore needs help."

Professor McGonagall rushed over and shook Dumbledore. "Are you okay?"

"Chocolate Frogs!" he yelled in her ear.

"Oh dear," she responded. "He really is mad."

"What should we do?" asked Harry. "Should we take him to Madam Pomfrey?"

"We'd better," she responded.

When they turned around, he was gone!

"Where could he have wandered?" asked Harry.

"The Dark Forest!" Ron shouted. "He's walking toward the Dark Forest!"

They all scrambled toward the window. Sure enough, Dumbledore was walking right toward the Dark Forest. Harry gulped. He got Hermione and they chased after Dumbledore. _Stupefy!_

Dumbledore froze. They took him to Madam Pomfrey to see if they could cure him.

"Oh no," she said after five minutes of close inspection.

"What is it?" Harry asked. "Can you cure it? Is it contagious? Should we stay away? Can you check us? Should I stop asking questions?"

"Yes, no, okay, and yes," she responded. "Dumbledore has a rare disease that can only be cured from the blood of a golden bunny."

"Bunny?" Harry asked. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Now you need to find a bunny in 24 hours or else he will die!"

In ten minutes they found a bunny.

"That was quick," Harry inquired thoughtfully.

Madam Pomfrey looked at the bunny. "It's not a bunny!" she announced. "It's a rabbit!"

"What?" Harry yelled, outraged. "What's the difference?"

"Well, bunnies are sleeker, have less hair, and look cuter."

"Hey!" the rabbit yelled. "I'm very cute!"

"Not cute enough," she responded.

Thus, Harry, Ron, and Hermione set off to find a true golden bunny.

They soon approached a small troll. "Answer my questions and you may pass."

"Rules," he continued. "Each person may only answer one question, no hints."

-First Question: How many points is a golden snitch if the player grabs it?

Harry immediately answered 150.

-Second Question: How does Dumbledore die?

"What?" asked Harry outrageously. "He hasn't died yet!"

"Snape kills him with Avada Kedavera." Hermione responded.

"How did you know that?" asked Harry. "And shouldn't we try to save him?"

"Don't ask," she responded.

-Third Question: When does Harry learn to fight off Dementors?

"Uhh," Ron stutters. "In his third year?"

"Correct," the troll sighs and gives them a golden bunny.

"How did you know we needed a golden bunny?" Harry asked.

The troll swore. "Shoot! I wasn't supposed to do that." He grabbed the bunny and ran.

"Get that troll!" Harry yelled and they chased after him.

Finally, Harry jumped on top of him and wrestled him to the ground. "Give us that bunny!" he yelled.

The troll quickly handed it over and disapparated.

"Good," Hermione said. "Let's bring it to Dumbledore."

They give it to Madam Pomfrey and she injects it into Dumbledore.

The next day, Dumbledore called Harry to his office again.

"Yes sir?" Harry asked.

"Harry Potter!" Harry froze.

"Just kidding!" Dumbledore said, chuckling. "Now what I really called you for: Have you ever heard of something called a Horcux?"

The End

xxXxx

LOL! Some parts of this story made me laugh, especially the beginning. Hope some parts made you laugh too!


	2. Dumbledore's Further Hallucinations

Dumbledore's Further Craziness

EDIT: I revamped this one, along with the rest of these. On a happy note, expect chapter 4 to come out quite soon. Still haven't decided on the ending, however. Does anyone want another chapter?

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything related to him.

2nd Disclaimer: I do not own this entire story, as a friend made some parts up for me.

3rd Disclaimer: I do not own Charlie the Unicorn. Filmcow does.

xxXxx

Harry saw Ron running to him. "Harry! Dumbledore is looking for you again!" Harry ran to Dumbledore's office and told the gargoyles the password.

"Charlie!" Dumbledore shouted as Harry walked into the room. "Let's go to Candy Mountain, Charlie!"

"Uh oh," Harry's eyes grew wide.

"Oh silly Charlie!" Dumbledore continued. "Your horn goes on your head, not in your hand, Charlie!"

Dumbledore grabbed Harry's wand and jabbed in into his head.

"OWWWWW!" Harry shouted. Then he started swearing.

Ron got Mrs. McGonagall and brought her to Dumbledore. "He's gone mad again!" Ron explained.

Mrs. McGonagall gulped. They soon locked him in the dungeon and asked Madam Pomfrey to help.

"You'll need a strong dose of Golden Rabbit Blood to cure him," Madam Pomfrey reminded them.

They went into the forest to find the rabbit. They soon came back and gave the rabbit to Madam Pomfrey.

"Nope. This is a bunny," she said.

"Haven't we done this already?" Harry asked. "It feels like déjà vu."

"I'm sure we have," Madam Pomfrey assured. "We just have to do it again."

Then they set off (again) to find the rabbit. They soon found a troll near a bridge.

"Give me the answers to these questions or DIE!"

Harry shot him with an AK-47 rifle and the continued on their quest. At dusk, they returned to Hogwarts empty-handed.

Dumbledore started hitting them with a sharp knife.

"What!" Harry shouted. "I'm Harry Potter, you know, the boy who lived?"

Dumbledore dropped the knife and started eating his shoe.

Harry blinked.

"Whatever will we do?" Hermione cried. "We can't leave him like this forever!"

Harry thought for a moment.

Then he announced: "We will leave him like this forever!"

They took him to a nursing home. The people there took him and gave him a room.

1 Year Later

Harry dodged a curse. Voldemort was attacking them and they had nowhere to go.

"Harry!" Ron shouted.

Then he was hit with a killing curse and died. Then Hermione was hit. Harry ran away, sobbing. Then he was hit.

Harry woke up in a warm bed with white all around him. He stood up. There was Ron and Hermione smiling at him. He walked toward them.

"Hey, where are we?" he asked.

"In magical heaven," Ron replied. "Apparently we died."

Harry gasped. He was dead! With a flash of light he was gone.

Harry woke up, groggy. "Where am I?" he sputtered.

Hagrid picked him up and gave him a seat. "Harry," he started. "There's something you should know."

Harry thought for a moment. Then he realized: Ron and Hermione were dead! "No!" Harry began crying insanely.

"Harry?" Hagrid asked softly. "Are you alright?"

Harry cried louder.

"Harry?" Hagrid asked again.

Harry cried even more.

"Oh this is just ridiculous!" Hagrid exclaimed. "Stop crying so I can continue!"

Harry stopped. "What?" he asked. "Can't you see I'm having a breakdown?"

"Have your breakdown later!" Hagrid snapped. "It's not like it's going anywhere."

Harry stopped and sat up. "Okay," he sighed. "What?"

Hagrid sat up straighter. "The only way to stop You-Know-Who is to rescue Dumbledore."

"How do we do that?" Harry asked. "We don't have a golden rabbit."

Hagrid smiled. "You're going to find one." With that, he shoved Harry outside and locked the door. "It's for your own safety!" he shouted. "As well as mine!"

Harry scowled. Hagrid wouldn't even come with him! He sighed again and set off to find a golden rabbit.

He soon came across a sleek white bunny. "Hi!" the rabbit exclaimed. "Want to have some of my blood to cure that old man over there?"

"You're not—Wait. There's an old man over there?"

"Of course," the rabbit replied. "So are you going to cure him?"

Harry nodded. "But you're not golden," he said. "And you're TOO cute."

"Well, I COULD be golden. And I'm not that—Oh wait. Maybe I am."

"What do you mean 'could be golden'?" Harry asked. "You can change colors?"

"Sure!" the rabbit said happily. "I can turn into any color of the rainbow!"

Harry grabbed the rabbit and ran back to Hagrid's Hut. "Hagrid!" he shouted.

"What?" Hagrid yelled back. "You find the rabbit?"

"Yes!" Harry said impatiently. "And Dumbledore. How do we cure him?"

Hagrid walked out of his hut and took the bunny. "This is a rabbit, all right. But he's not golden."

The rabbit looked at Hagrid angrily. "Why does everyone think I'm a regular rabbit?" He changed to a golden shine and hopped out of Hagrid's hands. "Now when can I cure the old man?"

Hagrid took out a medical needle and took 10 millimeters of blood from the rabbit. Then he inserted it into Dumbledore.

"Hidasectosaur!" Dumbledore said. "Rorgablurgnur! Ardurirony! For the sake of Blurgnur! Rawgpoiuty!"

Then he stopped. "Where am I?" he asked. "What happened? My head hurts…"

"Sir," Harry said. "It has been one year. Voldemort is taking over the world!"

Dumbledore nodded. He waved his wand and Harry fell unconscious.

1 Year Earlier

Harry woke up and stood up. The forest where Dumbledore was cured was empty. "Hello?" Harry called out. "Anyone here?"

Then a kangaroo came bounding toward him.

"This is getting weird," Harry noted. "How did a kangaroo get here? And what happened to Dumbledore?"

Then he saw Dumbledore walking around. "Rawgr!" Dumbledore shouted. "I LOVE YOU SPORE CD!"

Harry groaned. He must have gone back in time. Now he would have to rescue the past Dumbledore. He saw it in movies all the time. Harry walked over to Dumbledore and shook him. "Sir?" he asked. "Come with me please."

"No!" Dumbledore shook his head. "I don't wanna?"

Harry groaned. "If you come with me, I'll give you cookies!"

"Cookies?" Dumbledore looked around franticly. "Where?"

"Here!" Harry improvised. "Um… Cookies are in that shed over there!"

Dumbledore happily walked on four legs over to a storage shed that happened to be there. Once Dumbledore was inside, Harry shut the door and locked it. Then he looked around for a golden rabbit.

"Hi!" a voice behind Harry said. "You needed a rabbit?"

Then the golden rabbit that Harry found in the future came to him. "The old man sent me back in time to help! But he turned me into a kangaroo by accident. The spell just wore off."

Harry found a small needle and took some blood from the rabbit. Then he injected it into Dumbledore. Dumbledore fell over and started screaming. Harry started screaming too.

After a good ten minutes of screaming, Harry got up and looked around. Dumbledore was gone. Harry sighed. Dumbledore ran off again.

"Hello Harry," said a voice behind him.

When Harry turned around, he saw Dumbledore, in his right mind. "Hooray!" Harry said. "Now you can save the world!"

Dumbledore smiled. "Yes. Now I can save the world."

They both walked back to Hogwarts, wand in hand, ready to stop Voldemort forever.

xxXxx

Wow this took a while. I think I kind of rushed the ending, but it's ok. Please review and, if you're reading this, thank you for the hit/visitor!

~Siadow9466~


	3. Dumbledore's Return Again

The Return of Dumbledore's Craziness (Originally called The Return of the Return of the Return of Dumbledore's Absent-Minded Brain; Try saying that 5 times fast)

EDIT: Revamped, like usual. 1/15/11

I don't own Harry Potter, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, or Verizon Wireless Phones.

xxXxx

Harry was in the middle of his OWL test when Dumbledore walked up to the podium and said very clearly, "As you know, today is a very special day for all of us. It is one of the most important holidays in the world. I am, of course, talking about Easter Sunday. You shall now proceed to that closet and stay there until I say so. Sorry for the inconvenience!" He got off the podium and walked away.

Harry glanced at him. He was humming to himself and jumping up the stairs, two at a time. Many students were whispering to each other and laughing. Harry got up and ran to Hagrid.

"Hagrid!" he called. "Dumbledore's gone mad again!"

"Again?" Hagrid replied. "But we cured him three months ago!"

"What should we do?" Harry asked. "There aren't anymore golden bunnies to cure him with."

Just then, Dumbledore walked in and sat down. "Harry," he said quietly. "What I am about to tell you will change the fate of the entire wizarding world."

"What is it sir?" Harry asked, hoping that Dumbledore was cured already.

"It's April Fool's Day!" he exclaimed. "Now, be good and maybe Santa Claus will give you a present."

Harry pointed to the door and looked at Hagrid. He nodded and slipped out.

"Who was that fool that ran out of this pitiful cabin?" Dumbledore shouted. "Bring him back right now or I will kill you!"

Harry froze. He was about to take out his wand when Dumbledore started speaking again.

"My, my, look at those flowers! They're already blooming! How about it Harry? Let's pick some and make some Voldemort Pancakes!"

Harry looked at him closely and ran for his life.

xxXxx

Locking the door behind him, Harry was about to hide under his favorite rock when he realized Dumbledore had already thrown it in the lake with his enlarged hand. He decided to wait until Hagrid came back, hopefully with a cure. While he was waiting, Harry decided to practice playing as Toon Link and Captain Falcon in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. He plugged his Wii into the nearest outlet (In London) and started playing. Once he beat Subspace Emissary and Classic Mode, he moved on to completing all the events. Hagrid soon came back with Professor McGonagall.

"Where is he?" she asked. Harry pointed to Hagrid's cabin. The moment he did, however, was when Dumbledore chose to drop a torch on the ground.

After 15 minutes of clearing the smoke, putting out the fire, and wrestling Dumbledore out of the cabin, everyone sat to speak with him.

"What do you people want from me?" Dumbledore complained. "What have I ever done to you?"

"Sir," Hagrid said politely. "We need you to stay here until we come back with a cure, okay?"

"Okay!" Dumbledore said happily. Harry got up and walked away with the Professor.

After they left, Dumbledore leapt up and ran. "Come back!" Hagrid shouted, but was too slow.

xxXxx

Harry took the cure for Dumbledore and placed it in his pocket. "Be careful that you don't drop that dose," Madam Pomfrey warned him. "We don't have that much Golden Rabbit Blood left."

Harry nodded and went back to the spot Dumbledore was and looked around. He was gone. Harry groaned and set off looking for him.

xxXxx

It took Harry three hours, but he finally found Dumbledore with his wand pointed at Hagrid.

"Stop!" Harry shouted. Dumbledore spun around. "Hello there!" Dumbledore shouted. "I want you to eat that rock on the ground please!"

Harry rolled his eyes. Dumbledore's comments were becoming more random than funny.

"Stop thinking my comments were becoming more random than funny!" Dumbledore replied. "I work long and hard on these!" Then he disappeared.

Harry saw him reappear a foot away from his original spot and fell to the ground. Harry ran up and injected the Golden Rabbit Blood.

"No!" Dumbledore sobbed. "I don't like needles!" Then he started crying.

He finally became normal again. Everyone who witnessed his craziness celebrated, and Harry passed his OWL exams.

Soon afterward, he met up with Ron and Hermione and told them what happened.

"Good job Harry!" Ron cheered. "But I thought you cured him."

"I did," Harry replied, and a puzzled look came onto his face.

"Ron and I just saw him in his office," Hermione told him. "He seemed to be texting."

"OMG!" Dumbledore shouted from the other side of the door. "U hav got 2 b kiddin meh!"

He spied Harry across the hall. "Hai!" he said. "Whats ur name? Do u want 2 get sum ice cream? Im Dmbldre, btw."

Harry groaned. Unless Dumbledore was playing a joke on him, Harry would be going on yet another adventure.

xxXxx


End file.
